More Than A Nutshell. My Journey to Here…

When they said she was going crazy, she was awakening.

When they said that she was isolating, she was healing.

When they said she was acting funny, she was growing.

When they said that she had changed, she was evolving.

When they said she did not care anymore, she finally realized that her peace lives within.

~ unknown

In my young 20’s as a hairdresser, I didn’t realize I was transmitting healing energy through my well loved head massages. Years later, when I learned reiki, it dawned on me what I had been doing and why my clients loved it so much. (And why I was so drained!)

Lightworkers in disguise. Many caregivers and people in service industry professions are healers without knowing and a major reason we burn out. We are over-giving of ourselves with little understanding of energy protection.

My disguise began coming off in 2018 when an instructor in holistic nutrition school shared the first few minutes of a Sarah Blondin meditation. It said our fear and anxiety were not meant to be ignored and pushed away but loved, acknowledged and expressed. It seems so obvious now, but at the time it blew my mind. When I heard her words, I felt like my heart exploded. I cried so hard, I released what felt like years of unspilled grief. Grief for never knowing, relief for finally understanding.

All my life my fear of being too sensitive and holding in emotion was wreaking havoc on my health, effecting my entire life and I had no idea. I cried so hard, I released what felt like years of unspilled grief.

I learned that e-motions were energy in motion, and that by suppressing them with booze, drugs, food, scrolling and any other distraction I could find I was creating disease within my body and drama in my life. Everything else became secondary. My life’s mission, passion, social life, and the rest of my free time became about understanding what I’d never been taught about energy, spiritualism and healing. I dove into the proverbial rabbit hole and never came back up.

It started with meditation, devouring all the books, podcasts and videos…. my mind was becoming saturated and I was seeing the quintessential signs of “waking up”. Synchronicities, repeat numbers and symbolic patterning began consuming me. I genuinely understand why people feel (and often seem) crazy when awakening. With so much focus on the upper realms, it’s easy to lose our footing and stay grounded on the earth.

Then, in 2019 I had a dark night of the soul . Everything was confusing, I didn’t know what my purpose was and felt like my life was falling apart. I started hermitting away from all contact and society. I shut down all the outside noise - no calls, no phone, no videos or books. No talking to anyone…

In 2019 I had a dark night of the soul, like so many others did. Everything was confusing, I didn’t know what my purpose was and felt like my life was falling apart.

I started hermitting away from all contact and society. I shut down all the outside noise - no calls, no phone, no videos or books. No talking to anyone. I’d call my mom and dad to say “I’m going in back in” so they’d know not to worry when they didn’t hear from me for days.

I listened to strange inner impulses like covering all the mirrors later understanding I was blocking out an ego I was trying to overcome.

During these hermitting phases between 2019 - 2022 I vacillated between weed induced comas and binging to eating very clean, sometimes only juicing and at times just water fasting, the longest 7 days.

My demons were coming up to be seen and integrated. Some days I would feed them and some days I would starve them. It took time to figure out that the key to overcoming them was in tending to the pain in charge of driving them. Assimilation of so many selves is a lifelong process, it turns out.

I’d go silently into the trails behind my house and started getting messages from nature and a voice within my self. My intuition got stronger and it was helping me trust in life, figure out my purpose and my work as Glow Holistics.

Each time I went in, I would see or hear another message then race back to my cabin to put the next piece into place. (It was also in these woods where I began channelling light language). As a little girl I was highly attuned to nature, always talking to it, whatever it may be; trees, slugs, saving my worm friends off the hot sidewalk… nature was my ally and that dormant part of me was coming back on line.

Eventually, I was trained as an Integrated Energy Therapist, a healing modality working with angelic frequencies and somatic touch therapy. Everything felt so ironic and connected, so oddly mystical. I was gifted a set of tuning forks and later my first crystal singing bowl — all like little breadcrumbs guiding me along. Almost all the courses I’ve taken on this magic journey have been gifted to me somehow; Holistic Nutrition School, IET, BioGeometry and (soon to be) Craniosacral Therapy ; during my tumble down the esoteric rabbit hole, I also learned how to seriously manifest!

While I am so grateful for the knowledge the courses offered me, the most impactful “training” I ever had was the practice of retreating within.

Writing about it now reminds me of how precious this time was. And equally as painful. I changed so much and was so obsessed with understanding what was happening to me, that my closest friendships and relationships started slipping away. Becoming someone new often brings with it the heavy trade off of unbecoming who you knew; transforming trauma, patterns and beliefs and, for me, an unexpected heartbreak that took 6 years to overcome. I retreated more and more and became subsequently and painfully - necessarily alone.

In my solitude I discovered the hidden gifts of surrender, faith and freedom of being my authentic self.

Becoming someone new often brings with it the heavy tradeoff of unbecoming who you knew; transforming trauma, patterns and beliefs, and, for me, an unexpected heartbreak that took 6 years to overcome.

I’ve been told people like to see your credentials on your website so they can get a sense of who they’re working with. Being the nonconformist type, that really isn’t me. My "training" is the above. What has been most influential in my work hasn’t been the knowledge tied to my certificates but the wisdom gained from deep devotion and following an unrelenting curiosity — an echo of ancient practices of those I most revere.

What I do now, and who I am, is a result of that. I help people going through spiritual transformation feel understood and liberated. I’ve become the person I wish I would’ve known when I was waking up.